A child who starts telling you something serious has usually rehearsed it for days and is watching your face for a reason to stop. The first five minutes decide whether they finish — and often whether they ever tell anyone again. This is the standard we train every Safe Adult to hold.
Do
- Stop and turn toward them. Put down what you're holding. Get to their eye level. You are visibly making them the most important thing happening.
- Let them tell it their way. Silence, wrong order, missing pieces — all fine. Don't fill gaps, don't finish sentences.
- Say the three sentences, in your own words but with all three present: "Thank you for telling me. This is not your fault. I am going to help."
- Ask only what you need to act — open questions: "What happened next?" "Where was this?" Not "Did he…?" Leading questions can genuinely damage a child's account.
- Be honest about what happens now. "I need to tell [focal person] so we can keep you safe" — never promise secrecy, and never promise outcomes you don't control.
- Record and refer the same day. Write what was said in the child's own words, dated and signed, and take it to the focal person. If the route is broken or the concern involves the focal person, call 116 directly.
Never
- Never promise to keep it secret. The kindest-feeling sentence in the room is the one that traps you both.
- Never interrogate, and never make the child repeat the story to person after person. Once, to you; once, through the proper route.
- Never confront the accused person or investigate on your own. That is how evidence and children get harmed.
- Never discuss it beyond the reporting route — not with colleagues at lunch, not "in confidence."
- Never show horror or disgust. Your face is telling the child whether they are ruined. They are not. Steady voice, steady eyes.
Afterwards
Being the person a child chose is heavy. Handing the report on does not mean you stop caring — it means the system is working. Talk to your focal person about how you're doing too; that's not weakness, it's maintenance.